he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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