yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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