i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
