if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
