Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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