Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
