I am puke
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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