thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
