I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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