The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
