I accidentally burped into my bong.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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