just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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