I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
