Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Randomize
