two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
