Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
