It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
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