i think i have herpe
just one?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
