I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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