38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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