i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
