Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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