Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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