this beer tastes like vomit already
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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