dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize
