Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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