Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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