You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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