i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
