I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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