True but thats because hes a fetus.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize