I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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