Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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