i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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