The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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