Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
