Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
