Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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