I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
