Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
