Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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