i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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