Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize