im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
