See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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