Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
