i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
