cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Drake has all the answers
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
