I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
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