Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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