well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize