They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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