Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
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