I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
