google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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