Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
