She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Im part way to drunk.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
