Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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