It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
