found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
