He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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