this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
