if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
