He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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