She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
