Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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