so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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