this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
