I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
