just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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