A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
