If i could tip my vagina, i would.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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