I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
