i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
