Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
