I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
