There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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