K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
