just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize